Jesus came back on Sunday, not Monday

[CaptainWacky]

I used to get really confused because I thought he was in his tomb for 3 days then came back, so that would mean he came back on Monday not Sunday, but it's actually that he came back "on the third day" so it's like Friday, Saturday, Sunday...third day is Sunday he comes back. Now I believe in Him* after realising I made this one mistake my whole life.

“And I concluded by saying that the Resurrection was the greatest ‘eucatastrophe’ possible in the greatest Fairy Story - and produces that essential emotion: Christian joy which produces tears because it is qualitatively so like sorrow, because it comes from those places where Joy and Sorrow are at one, reconciled, as selfishness and altruism are lost in Love. Of course I do not mean that the Gospels tell what is only a fairy-story; but I do mean very strongly that they do tell a fairy-story: the greatest.
Tolkien on the Resurrection of Christ. (From a letter to Christopher Tolkien, 28 October 1944 (FS 58) LJRRT, Carpenter)

*APRIL FOOL's I don't believe in shit.

 

[whisky]

Died on Friday, Saturday still dead, Sunday came back, Monday disappeared again

Kind of ruins the whole coming back thing if it's just for one day, it's less of a ressurection and more of an encore.

 

[jack]

I'm a member of the hassidic dairy support group "Jews For Cheeses" we celebrate this special day with many kosher charturie

 

[CaptainWacky]

Died on Friday, Saturday still dead, Sunday came back, Monday disappeared again

Kind of ruins the whole coming back thing if it's just for one day, it's less of a ressurection and more of an encore.

I always wondered why he didn't hang around longer. At least scare the Romans or something.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

According to Luke, Jesus hung around for 40 days so he could prove to the doubters that he had come back, letting them poke the wounds in his hands and performing other assorted party tricks in order to convince the apostles to keep writing and testifying on his behalf.

He died during Passover and he ascended into the clouds just before Pentecost, which is 50 days after Passover. That's when the Holy Spirit sort of appeared and inspired everyone to go out and build superchurches and start TV channels asking for money so people could feel closer to God since Christians, unlike Catholics, don't believe in the sacrament of Confession. This is how passive-aggressive behavior was born.

 

[CaptainWacky]

He should have shown everyone his cock.

 

[Dr Dave]

 

[jack]

Shouldn't mix meat with milk...especially if you're a rabbi.

 

[Volpone]

JOKE'S ON YOU, ROMANS AND PHARISEES. TRANSFORM!

https://brian.carnell.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/armored-christ-image.png

Armored Christ Transforming Toy – Brian.Carnell.Com

 

[Volpone]

OK. There is a school of thought that Jesus would've been married. A 30 year old Jewish rabbi just wasn't a thing, allegedly, in those days. They present cases that the wedding at Canaan was actually his wedding. Or that Mary Magdaline was his wife. But part of me wonders if maybe being god incarnate (if you believe that sort of thing) made pretty much everything about human women in that time seem kind of icky. Now I'm not a genius. Close, but not quite. And I can't count the number of times I've passed on a chick because she was too stupid. It's like "Gah! I just told you...you know what? Forget it. I'll just jerk off when I get home." And what with being Jesus, he could've turned sand into Astroglide.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Why didn't God send a Girl Jesus down to Earth to fuck Boy Jesus's brains in, EXPLAIN THAT, POPE FRANCIS.

 

[Volpone]

Because God is a jealous dick. Same reason he didn't want Adam and Eve to eat from the Tree of Knowledge--he doesn't want a race of demigod humans walking around, stealing his thunder.

 

[Eggs Mayonnaise]

"Everybody will be God for 15 minutes." - The Book of Warhol