Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny

[CaptainWacky]

...you son of a bitch, I'm in.

 

[MODMAN]

What the FUCK. There's creepy and then ... there's this. I had a dream last night I watched an Indiana Jones trailer. What the hell? I do not follow any Indiana Jones news, did not see anything about Indiana Jones yesterday (or any other day), I am not a big fan of Indiana Jones...

Spooky.

Also, the reveal at the end of my dream was a gender-swap recast of Indi. Katee Sackoff.

 

[whisky]

I go offline for one hour and they drop trailers for this and guardians 3!

 

[Volpone]

Great. An action movie staring an 80 year old.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Sallah: Indy, where's your son Mutt?

Indy: He's dead!

 

[Volpone]

Great. An action movie staring an 80 year old.

"Indiana Jones and the Diaper of Destiny."

 

[CaptainWacky]

 

[Volpone]

I must admit, that does not look terrible. I almost buy the idea of an action movie with an 80 year old star.

 

[CaptainWacky]

The character stuff looks good, but then he kind of turns into a CGI blob when he's on a horse being chased through Glasgow doubling as an American city. But not as bad as the monkey stuff in Crystal Skull.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Bump for anyone who's seen it but can't find this thread.

 

[whisky]

I've not seen it but I have seen spoilers for Mutt if people want to know.

 

[The Question]

By all reports, it's Yet Another "Girlboss Takes Over" shitcluster that's "destined" to lose money. Why the fuck does Disney keep doing this shit? Why are these clowns terminally incapable of not stepping on that rake?

 

[whisky]

Spoiler

not take over, she does knock Indy out to bring him home because he literally wants to live in the past, but at the end of the day, Indy still wears the hat.

Mutt died in Vietnam.

 

[CaptainWacky]

I heard Indy has his cock replaced with a whip.

 

[StarMan™]

Cannes took a dump all over the film. IGN gave it a miserable 4/10 - an unexpectedly harsh rebuke from them. Now that it's out in the wild, the usual YT shock jocks that typically keep to the same narrative (Nerdrotic, Critical Drinker) are tearing it shreds. So par for the course. However! Outside that immediate bubble, things aren't looking flash. AngryJoe gave it a 3/10 (Joe and the boys tend to do their own thing). Go further afield past the performance outrage into more mainstream channels and ... yeah, not a lot of positive buzz. A few that I expected might be singing its praises (Campea) aren't overly enthusiastic. Even the reviews that could be considered on the fresher side aren't wildly enthusiastic and come with provisions.

Tracking from the preview night is also looking sad, with a recommendation score barely past 50% - basically on par with The Flash. This film needs strong word of mouth and some interest from the millennial demographic. With a budget of $300 million (and that's what's known and not even considering marketing), this needs to be hitting $800 million global before there's any talk of hitting breakeven. Several projections have this struggling to hit half a billion, which would mean a loss of hundreds of millions for LucasFilm / Disney. Again.

Here's an idea: Stop with the eyewatering movie budgets that require every film to be a box office powerhouse, invest in fresh ideas / proper talent again and take creative risks with a more frugal mindset. I'm so fucking over franchises.

 

[CaptainWacky]

Or do one where Indy has snakes for hands.

 

[StarMan™]

Good news! It's doing marginally better than The Flash. Hit it boys!

Da da-da-DUUUUUH ... da-da-duuuuuuh. Daaaa da-da-DAAAAAA! Da da-da da-DA! <thud>

edit: needed to get the da and duhs right.

 

[whisky]

That bar is so low five billionaires imploded getting to it.

 

[whisky]

Red letter media just did their review, essentially just wait for it to come on Disney plus then skip to the last ten minutes.

 

[whisky]

Kevin Smith who never has a bad word about any film released in the last 15 years did not enjoy this.