For April Fools Day
- Thread starter Mirah
- Start date
Loktar
Pinata Whacker
Yes, and then God should say "I'm sending you to Hell, Jesus. Not kidding! Lol, nah I'm totally kidding!"
Loktar
Pinata Whacker
Well according to the mystery of the Holy Trinity God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit are somehow one and the same but at the same time totally separate and different or something like that. Ergo, God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit all have a sense of humor. But the Angel of Death and Satan total humorless bastards.
Loktar
Pinata Whacker
Yeah, I have my eggs ready to egg people's houses. Oh you thought you were safe because it wasn't Halloween? BAM! SPLAT!
Mirah
I love you
Eggs and mayonnaise?
jack
The Legendary Troll Kingdom
No Jesus in Old Testament. That happens in the New Testament
Volpone
Zombie Hunter
Yes, but Old Testament God is a cocksucker. "Dad, I don't want to die. You're all powerful, couldn't you just forgive them without me having to be tortured to death?" "NOPE, SON, SORRY. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE I LET MY CHOSEN PEOPLE BE SOLD INTO SLAVERY 2 OR 3 TIMES TO TEACH THEM A LESSON. I MADE ABRAHAM THINK HE HAD TO MURDER HIS OWN SON--THAT WAS A GOOD LAUGH. I SENT PLAGUES TO EGYPT SO PHARAOH WOULD LET THE JEWS GO--BUT THEN I MADE HIM REFUSE, BECAUSE I HAD MORE FUN PLAGUES THAT WOULD SHOW HOW COOL I WAS. I GAVE ADAM & EVE A LITERAL PARADISE IF THEY'D ONLY OBEY 1 SIMPLE RULE (I KNEW THEY WOULDN'T). I COULD KEEP GOING ON, BUT THE POINT IS TO STOP BEING A PUSSY AND SUCK IT UP."
Mirah
I love you
Read Heavenly Man if you are interested in a person who is tortured for his belief in Jesus. Oh, did I mention it takes place in China. It is a hard read.
I have a hard time with the Jesus story and his dying on the cross, understanding he dies for my inequities and so I should feel like crap about it-I choose to do so on the one day and that is Good Friday. The church in this area would have me feel bad about it everyday. It really is amazing how many different opinions there are about God, the bible, Jesus and how people should act and feel.
I feel if Jesus died and rose again then I should live like a freed person, not with a heavy cloud over me.
I have a hard time with the Jesus story and his dying on the cross, understanding he dies for my inequities and so I should feel like crap about it-I choose to do so on the one day and that is Good Friday. The church in this area would have me feel bad about it everyday. It really is amazing how many different opinions there are about God, the bible, Jesus and how people should act and feel.
I feel if Jesus died and rose again then I should live like a freed person, not with a heavy cloud over me.
Volpone
Zombie Hunter
I maintain that a disproportionate number of sadomasochists are Catholic.
Anyway, this is another time that I'd like to study theology--more from a scientific standpoint than to learn to become a clergyman. The gospels all have slightly to outright conflicting stories--and there are a ton of noncanonical gospels.
By all accounts Jesus has physically risen from the dead and is tooling around in a reanimated corpse. The Doubting Thomas story most clearly proves that. But he is often not recognized by his disciples until he does or says something--the supper at Emmaeus. He enters and leaves locked rooms. He spontaneously disappears--again, the supper at Emmaeus.
I gotta wonder, the pulp character The Shadow has a hypnotic ability to change his appearance, "dodge" bullets, become invisible, and other things. If Jesus was/is an advanced "homo superior" human of some kind, perhaps his body could recover from apparent death and mental projection powers account for some of the discrepancies in the gospels.*
*I mean, there are other much more plausible explanations for skeptics, but it isn't as interesting to argue that they were stories written long after Jesus life on Earth and many were perhaps created to advance a fledgling religion. Jesus was a Cylon is much more interesting.
Anyway, this is another time that I'd like to study theology--more from a scientific standpoint than to learn to become a clergyman. The gospels all have slightly to outright conflicting stories--and there are a ton of noncanonical gospels.
By all accounts Jesus has physically risen from the dead and is tooling around in a reanimated corpse. The Doubting Thomas story most clearly proves that. But he is often not recognized by his disciples until he does or says something--the supper at Emmaeus. He enters and leaves locked rooms. He spontaneously disappears--again, the supper at Emmaeus.
I gotta wonder, the pulp character The Shadow has a hypnotic ability to change his appearance, "dodge" bullets, become invisible, and other things. If Jesus was/is an advanced "homo superior" human of some kind, perhaps his body could recover from apparent death and mental projection powers account for some of the discrepancies in the gospels.*
*I mean, there are other much more plausible explanations for skeptics, but it isn't as interesting to argue that they were stories written long after Jesus life on Earth and many were perhaps created to advance a fledgling religion. Jesus was a Cylon is much more interesting.
Colonel Kira's Left Tit
Bearded Belly of Bajor
Colonel Kira's Left Tit
Bearded Belly of Bajor
Ah, April Fool's Day. Exactly one decade ago today I somehow got the op keys to a fairly major IRC network and just started banning everyone, both users and channels. That was great.