CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
YEAH SO
I'm not Charles Horse
I'm CaptainFUCKINGWacky
I never used to have to do the Charles Horse LAYER OF REALITY SHIT to post a thing of the day
what am I so scared of
I'M CAPTAINWACKY
THIS IN MY THING
OF THE DAY
JUST TODAY
NO OTHER DAY
EVERY DAY IS THE SAME BUT NOT REALLY
Really, we think every day is the same as we're perceiving them but sometimes I flash back to a day like even just four years ago and things were different and felt different. Then sometimes I think it's ten years ago and I feel exactly the same in my head but things are obviousl;y, blatantly, objectively VERY different. It's hard. The flow of time. You forget things. You don't always keep records of time passing. Maybe I should be constantly counting, then life would feel like it has lasted the length of time that it actually has lasted.
I think my anxiety is sometimes me trying to make time slow down, in some fucking sick way. Sometimes I don't think about anything at all. Sometimes I don't feel anything for a whole day. And when that happens, and the day ends, how do I know I've even lived a day? The alternative is feeling anxious all day, which I often do. I don't know if eveeryone undertsands what anxiety feels like, like proper, clinical anxiety. Maybe they do! I don't just mean like worrying about a specific thing like if I see Hitler outside and I'm worried he's going to come to my door and try to turn me into a Nazi and I'll have to calmly and rationally explain that I'm woke as fuck. Obviously, we all worry about that specific thing. I'm talking often unspecified anxiety where my fucking body is racked with it and I can't enjoy anything and it doesn't go away for days or weeks at a time and I can feel it under my skin in my hands and I keep dropping things and in my stomach and in my throat and the ancid is rising again and I can barely eat and I can't fall asleep because I think I might die even though I have no record of dying when falling asleep. And I can't stop thinking about the thing that I'm not even sure that I'm thinking about and it's not even actively thinking it's just literally pounding throught my head like someone else is doing it and I don't know why and my body's trying to destroy me. And more. So that kind of thing. It's not good, but it certainly doesn't feel like time is moving slowly! When you get to the end of the day, you feel like it's earned! You don't just think no time has passed at all. You've lived a day of terror so the day counts. It's still a completely wasted day where you didn't enjoy anything, but at least it's not 4 weeks later out of nowhere! You've slowed time! You're fucking insane.
I probably should have had more to saysgpjidv
fd]vji
fd
gfd
OH NO I'M HITTING RANDOM KEYS
I probably shoul dhave PER
I probably should have PREPARED more to say before posting this thing of the day. Or saved it for a day when I had something in my head beyond the vague "anxiety pauses time" thing. BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T. Don't be fooled. Anxiety feeds off itself. It wants to live. It lies to you. Time i ssitll passing. It's always passing. Yes it's bad to feel nothing, think nothing, do nothing. It's a horrible waste. But feeling actively bad instead, worrying about FUCKING NOTHING isn't better. It's worse! So don't do that.
Ideally you'd feel good and not worry and enjoy things and be active in mind and body and feel satisfied and sleepy when you go to bed.
But that's not going to happen is it.
Not until we get robot bodies.
And then we can perfectly regulate our feelings at all times and if we're thinking about something too much we can just turn that thought off.
Beep boop, motherfucker.
Wha'ts the downside to being robots. It's better. We'd be stronger. STEEL. We could crush our enemies.
We could have robot sex with each other it would be fun and it would be good because we'd have robots and not feel weird about touching people
(I have autism I don't like touching people.)
why do people like touching each other
it's weird
fuck's sake
i never really had a chance did i
wired wrong
you can't blame it on me
i remember not enjoying things right when i was a kid and pretending
masking
so yeah
robot bodies
the impossible dream
or only for Musk and Bezos (HAPPY WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and all those cunts
or they'd put us in robot SLAVE bodies and make us mine for A.I. GEMS or something I don't know
fuck's sake
have to worry about that now
will wake up at 4am and the "OH SHIT I'M GOING TO BE A ROBOT SLAVE" thought will intrude itself into my little brain
how do I come up with this stuff but I can't come up with anything good
maybe there was an element of choice
maybe i could have tried harder
I SHOULD START RIGHT NOW
START WRITING MY BOOK TOMORROW
THE FIRST CHAPTER STARTS WITH THIS POST
THEN THE MAIN CHARACTER GOES ON TO WRITE A GOOD BOOK
A BOOK WITHIN THE BOOK
HAS THAT BEEN DONE BEFORE
umm
what do I do when I have to write in stencesf
sentences
those things
that would be a problem
____________________________
my mental health isn't good everyone's secretly plotting against me except they aren't they're just sick of my shit except they're not but they will be after they read this except they won't but they might THEY MIGHT THEY MIGHT ARRRRRRRRGHB
____________________________
by the way charles horse wrote all that
I'm not Charles Horse
I'm CaptainFUCKINGWacky
I never used to have to do the Charles Horse LAYER OF REALITY SHIT to post a thing of the day
what am I so scared of
I'M CAPTAINWACKY
THIS IN MY THING
OF THE DAY
JUST TODAY
NO OTHER DAY
EVERY DAY IS THE SAME BUT NOT REALLY
Really, we think every day is the same as we're perceiving them but sometimes I flash back to a day like even just four years ago and things were different and felt different. Then sometimes I think it's ten years ago and I feel exactly the same in my head but things are obviousl;y, blatantly, objectively VERY different. It's hard. The flow of time. You forget things. You don't always keep records of time passing. Maybe I should be constantly counting, then life would feel like it has lasted the length of time that it actually has lasted.
I think my anxiety is sometimes me trying to make time slow down, in some fucking sick way. Sometimes I don't think about anything at all. Sometimes I don't feel anything for a whole day. And when that happens, and the day ends, how do I know I've even lived a day? The alternative is feeling anxious all day, which I often do. I don't know if eveeryone undertsands what anxiety feels like, like proper, clinical anxiety. Maybe they do! I don't just mean like worrying about a specific thing like if I see Hitler outside and I'm worried he's going to come to my door and try to turn me into a Nazi and I'll have to calmly and rationally explain that I'm woke as fuck. Obviously, we all worry about that specific thing. I'm talking often unspecified anxiety where my fucking body is racked with it and I can't enjoy anything and it doesn't go away for days or weeks at a time and I can feel it under my skin in my hands and I keep dropping things and in my stomach and in my throat and the ancid is rising again and I can barely eat and I can't fall asleep because I think I might die even though I have no record of dying when falling asleep. And I can't stop thinking about the thing that I'm not even sure that I'm thinking about and it's not even actively thinking it's just literally pounding throught my head like someone else is doing it and I don't know why and my body's trying to destroy me. And more. So that kind of thing. It's not good, but it certainly doesn't feel like time is moving slowly! When you get to the end of the day, you feel like it's earned! You don't just think no time has passed at all. You've lived a day of terror so the day counts. It's still a completely wasted day where you didn't enjoy anything, but at least it's not 4 weeks later out of nowhere! You've slowed time! You're fucking insane.
I probably should have had more to saysgpjidv
fd]vji
fd
gfd
OH NO I'M HITTING RANDOM KEYS
I probably shoul dhave PER
I probably should have PREPARED more to say before posting this thing of the day. Or saved it for a day when I had something in my head beyond the vague "anxiety pauses time" thing. BECAUSE IT ACTUALLY DOESN'T. Don't be fooled. Anxiety feeds off itself. It wants to live. It lies to you. Time i ssitll passing. It's always passing. Yes it's bad to feel nothing, think nothing, do nothing. It's a horrible waste. But feeling actively bad instead, worrying about FUCKING NOTHING isn't better. It's worse! So don't do that.
Ideally you'd feel good and not worry and enjoy things and be active in mind and body and feel satisfied and sleepy when you go to bed.
But that's not going to happen is it.
Not until we get robot bodies.
And then we can perfectly regulate our feelings at all times and if we're thinking about something too much we can just turn that thought off.
Beep boop, motherfucker.
Wha'ts the downside to being robots. It's better. We'd be stronger. STEEL. We could crush our enemies.
We could have robot sex with each other it would be fun and it would be good because we'd have robots and not feel weird about touching people
(I have autism I don't like touching people.)
why do people like touching each other
it's weird
fuck's sake
i never really had a chance did i
wired wrong
you can't blame it on me
i remember not enjoying things right when i was a kid and pretending
masking
so yeah
robot bodies
the impossible dream
or only for Musk and Bezos (HAPPY WEDDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and all those cunts
or they'd put us in robot SLAVE bodies and make us mine for A.I. GEMS or something I don't know
fuck's sake
have to worry about that now
will wake up at 4am and the "OH SHIT I'M GOING TO BE A ROBOT SLAVE" thought will intrude itself into my little brain
how do I come up with this stuff but I can't come up with anything good
maybe there was an element of choice
maybe i could have tried harder
I SHOULD START RIGHT NOW
START WRITING MY BOOK TOMORROW
THE FIRST CHAPTER STARTS WITH THIS POST
THEN THE MAIN CHARACTER GOES ON TO WRITE A GOOD BOOK
A BOOK WITHIN THE BOOK
HAS THAT BEEN DONE BEFORE
umm
what do I do when I have to write in stencesf
sentences
those things
that would be a problem
____________________________
my mental health isn't good everyone's secretly plotting against me except they aren't they're just sick of my shit except they're not but they will be after they read this except they won't but they might THEY MIGHT THEY MIGHT ARRRRRRRRGHB
____________________________
by the way charles horse wrote all that
