CaptainWacky
I want to smell dark matter
So you get anxious about something, sometimes you don't even remember what or you tell yourself "WHO CARES" but it's still there because anxiety isn't just thinking it's a physical thing and you feel it in your hands and arms and penis but also your forehead now and that's annoying and sometims you do manage to not think about the thing but sometimes you think about it more and more and it gets worse and worse and you can hardly eat or sleep and sometimes it's something you're excited about and sometimes it even feels good when you're all keyed up and then the good thing pays off and you're euphoric for a moment or you feel as good as your brain will allow you too anyway but it still hurts up to that point but usually it's about something bad or just something stupid or something you've made up but that's still bad and it lasts and it lasts and it lasts and it's your natural state just having all this horrible energy and you go increasingly mad and you can hardly read because your eyes are screwed up and there aren't even any new female celebrity images to distract you BUT THEN at some point the bubble burts either the thing is solved or you manage to fool your brain into not thinking about it anymore or even the bad thing happens but it ends because everything ends you should remember that so anyway now the anxiety is suddenly gone and that should be a relief except your's SO FUCKING WORN OUT from the worrying and not it's gone but it was the only thing you felt for days and now you feel NOTHING and you try to like things but you're so tired now and you feel so wrong without the anxiety and now it's definitely depression because you just want to sleep and maybe you still can't sleep at night but you can during the day or whatever so at least you get that but there is nothing there is nothing you barely exist you are just an organism existing you miss the anxiety but you don't want it to come back you never want to think about anything again because it's too much effort too tiring and then the twist is you discover something else you absolutey need to worry about but you're brain has forgotten and you start to panic because you logically need to worry this time your illogical thoughts tell you and you feel a ghost of the anxiety return but it is a mockery you aren't feeling enough you'll never feel again it's either nothing it's horror you don't know which is worse and you can't remembver what is normal and maybe there never was normal you realise when you observe actual normal people doing stuff and talking about stuff and you can't imagine being them ever you just want to disappear you can't wait nine days for the thing to happen you can't do this again you can't do anything.
Yeah, I hate that.
Yeah, I hate that.
