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Princess Zelda: Her Own Thread

CaptainWacky

CaptainWacky

I want to smell dark matter
I have decided to take a look back at Princess Zelda's Nintendo career, game by game (but probably only the games I've played.)

STARTING AT THE BEGINNING

The Legend Of Zelda

The backstory of this game has Princess Zelda breaking the Triforce Of Wisdom into eight pieces and hiding them throughout Hyrule to protect the realm from Ganon. That's knid of heroic, right? But look at this official artwork...



Zelda is very much the damsel in distress, relying on Link to do all the actual brave stuff. Plus she isn't even very hot yet.



Here's what she actually does in game...

[YOUTUBE]CfjJgI656Rc[/YOUTUBE]
(That endgame music isn't really up to much, is it?)

So there's not really any kind of relationship there with Link or much or any actual character to Zelda at all. BUT HEY, it was 1986, it was 8-bit, it was a simpler time. And it was a start.

COMING SOON: THE ADVENTURES OF LINK STARRING SLEEPY ZELDA.
 
The Adventure Of Link

We get a lot more backstory this time thanks to the instruction manual.

It seems Hyrule fell into ruin after the first game because of Ganon's evil taint or something. Link learns from Impa that after the king of Hyrule died, the prince searched for the Triforce. Zelda knew where it was but wasn't telling, so an evil magician put her under a spell and she slept for a hundred years. The prince ordered that all female children born to the royal household should be named Zelda and...anyway, it's not really that great of a story. But I really liked this instruction manual. It had pictures!


Angry prince threatens Zelda with a whip. What a dick.

So basically this means the real princess Zelda has been asleep for a hundred years and will only wake when Link finishes this game. Which is bad because the game sucks and who wants to finish it really? The instruction manual was much more fun.



So, Zelda's asleep for all of the game. Not much chance to develop her character here.

[YOUTUBE]LF0u9wVa9PE[/YOUTUBE]
Do they have sex behind that curtain?



COMING SOON: A LINK TO THE PAST!?
 
The Legend Of Zelda (Animated TV series)

In 1989, an animated series based on the popular Legend Of Zelda games debuted.

[YOUTUBE]U9O3DHk2c2w[/YOUTUBE]
They're finally speaking! And...oh, that voice acting is unfortunate. And yes Link's checking out her cleavage.

It wasn't very good. But hey, at least we finally got some characterisation for Zelda. She was actually involved in the action. She fired a bow and ran around and stuff. She wore trousers instead of a dress!


Interestingly (or not), Zelda would go on to fire a bow again in several boss battles years later.

But yeah, that voice acting was really bad and it was a poorly written, cheap cartoon. I definitely remember watching it as a child, but not actually enjoying it.

I also remember Spryte. I remember her being annoying and Link being a jerk to her.

Maybe I'm being too dismissve and this version of Zelda was a strong female role model for many young girls and inspired them to be athletic and sarcastic just like their heroine? Like how Uhura inspired Whoopi Goldberg to be black in space or something.



But let's face it, there's only one thing anyone remembers from this cartoon and it's not Zelda's trousers. It's this. It's fucking this.

[YOUTUBE]FPxY8lpYAUM[/YOUTUBE]
How could anyone like this guy?

No matter how many times she stood with her hands on her hips looking at him disapprovingly, she did not deserve that kind of treatment.

COMING SOON: A LINK TO THE PAST, FOR REAL THIS TIME?
 
A Link To The Past



The first and only Legend Of Zelda game for the Super Nintendo still holds up as a great game today, literally twenty years later. Princess Zelda is quite a bit more active than in the previous two. The wizard Agahnim is attempting to break the seal to the Sacred Realm and has kidnapped young maidens descended from the Seven Sages who created the seal. Zelda is being held in Hyrule Castle dungeon. The game starts with Zelda telephatically contacting Link and asking for his help. You actually rescue Zelda five minutes after starting the game, which is certainly a change.

[YOUTUBE]JQg1VUNosRc[/YOUTUBE]
Ignore the guy talking. I just wanted to show Zelda running around okay.

So yeah, you save Zelda and she actually follows you around a bit. That's cool. It makes her seem more alive. She spends a while hanging out at the Sanctuary after that, which is cool because it means you can go in and look at her whenever you want! She then gets kidnapped again and the barrier between the Light and Dark world is broken. You rescue her for the second time to end the game.

[YOUTUBE]hGLBBE_edF0[/YOUTUBE]
I like that this guy recorded the ending on VHS. I also like that the Triforce is talking to you.

This game was a massive leap in quality from the first two and Zelda herself was on her way to having an actual personality. PLAY THIS GAME.

FUN FACT: Link To The Past features the first appearance of the Zelda's Lullaby them.

[YOUTUBE]CPG2yDvD_08[/YOUTUBE]
You'll be hearing this again soon!



COMING SOON: NOT LINK'S AWAKENING, SHE'S NOT IN THAT.
 
The Ocarina Of Time



Seven years after we last saw her, Princess Zelda returns in Link's first adventure for the Nintendo 64. And this time she's made out of lovely polygons. Link first meets up with her in the castle courtyard early in the game.

[YOUTUBE]B36DZ3lnzRA[/YOUTUBE]
Just listen to that giggle.

Things have come a long way since the N64 days. Zelda feels more real than ever now. She actually makes expressions with her face and has a bit of a personality. It's a lovely cutscene that's been burned in my memory since I first played.

Link finds the other two spiritual stones and returns to the castle, only to find Ganondorf has already made his move...

[YOUTUBE]Wa6gzKub7ps[/YOUTUBE]
I'd go so far as to call this an ICONIC MOMENT.

So using the Ocarina Zelda gave him in the Temple of Time, Link ends up seven years in the future as an adult. But where's adult Zelda? WHO KNOWS. Link does make a mysterious new friend named Sheik though.



What a handsome fellow. He even has cool theme music!

[YOUTUBE]T3yfyv-GhMk[/YOUTUBE]
I'd let this play for ages before pressing "A".

Sheiks helps you out, teaching you warp songs with his harp. But just before the final showdown with Ganondorf, this happens and your world is turned on its head...

[YOUTUBE]vjIaokM--Pk[/YOUTUBE]
I'm ashamed to admit I didn't even realise Sheik's identity the first time I played!

SO, Zelda disguised herself as a man to help you out. Or was it more than just a disguise. It's up for debate!

But yeah, after that, she gets captured by Ganondorf. It had to happen eventually! But after you save her, she helps you by lowering barriers and seals Ganondorf in the Sacred Realm. Then you get the end sequence and it's awesome.

[YOUTUBE]EP7zULA63Ek[/YOUTUBE]
She doesn't even give him a victory kiss or anything. But they touch hands and that itself is far more beautiful.

I love this game. It's actually beautiful. It's art. Maybe it looks a bit crude today (and granted I don't play anything other than Nintendo games) but I think it still holds up. Zelda herself is a fully realised character now, with her own storyline and everything. Her relationship with Link in touching and tinged with tragedy, playing out in epic form over two time periods. In the end we see young Link (sent back in time by Zelda) run to Zelda in the courtyard and a whole world of possibilities is opened. What happens next? It's up to your imagination.

UP NEXT: MAJORA'S MASK. KIND OF.
 
Majora's Mask

Well, okay, it's not really up to your imagination, because we do no what happens next. Taking place in the "child timeline" which follows on from Link and Zelda's meeting at the end of Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask was the second and final Zelda game on Nintendo 64. And it was awesome in every way. I'm really ashamed of myself for taking TEN YEARS to actually finish it (not that I was playing it continuously!) Re-using graphics from Ocarina but with a brilliant new three day time cycle, Majora's Mask was the darkest Zelda yet and is thought of as one of the very finiest games in the series.

And Zelda was barely in it. She appears just once, in a flashback after Link gets his Ocarina back. This is the same Zelda as Ocarina of Time, of course, and the flashback shows her giving Link the Ocarina of Time and teaching him the Song of Time. And then she's gone, as Link's in a parrallel dimension for the whole game and, despite there being different versions of most of the characters from Ocarina Of Time, there is no parrallel Zelda. Which shows that she's ONE OF A KIND (apart from all those other versions of her in different games of course!) But you use the Song of Time literally hundreds of times in the game, so the flashback is vitally important and if it wasn't for Zelda you'd be dead the first time the moon hits Termina.

[YOUTUBE]266w2uNAN14[/YOUTUBE]
Skip to 6:30 to watch the flashback. IF YOU WANT.

UP NEXT: A bunch of games I never played.
 
Oracle of Ages/Oracle of Seasons

Okay, confession time: I never owned a Game Boy Colour. I mean, it was just a Game Boy but in colour, how good could that actually be? So I never played Oracle of Ages/Seasons. Which is a shame, as I'm reading about them now on the invaluable Zelda Wiki and they sound quite good! Apparently, Princess Zelda only appeared if you linked the two games together. Twinrova attempts to sacrifice her to resurrect Ganon. And that seems to be about it. So, in terms of Princess Zelda's character development, I think it's safe to say I didn't miss much by not playing these games. I can't even find any pictures of her other than another great quilt design.



So let's move on.

Four Swords

This one was on the Game Boy Advance and...I never owned a Game Boy Advance either. Yes, I do feel ashamed of myself. The myth that I'm some Nintendo super fan has come crashing down. Anyway, this was the first multi-player Zelda game and Princess Zelda's involvement sees her kidnapped...again. Oh dear. She's not fairing well on the handleheld consoles yet, is she? But don't worry, it's going to get a lot better on the DS! Anyway, she looks like this in Four Swords...



Which is definitely one of her best looks yet. So it's not all bad!


[YOUTUBE]yaEMT5jS_l0[/YOUTUBE]
Here's the ending IF ANYONE CARES. Zelda appears about seven and a half minutes in. There's her lullaby again.

UP NEXT: Wind Waker is great in every way. Including for Zelda.
 
The Wind Waker

The first Zelda game for the Nintendo Gamecube was also the first to use cel-shading, giving it a cartoony look. A number of people on the internet complained about this at the time, claiming that Zelda games should look more "realistic" and that this game was going to be only "for kids". Those people were idiots. This game is beautiful and the graphics greatly enhanced the characterisation by allowing the most expressive facial expressions yet.

Zelda appears under a different identity the first time we meet her, as Tetra the leader of a group of pirates. Why do these adult pirates follow a young girl? Because she's awesome!



The first time you meet her you recuse her, but the game SUBVERTS YOUR EXPECTATIONS by having Tetra be ungrateful. In fact she doesn't like Link at all at first. She still agrees to take Link with her on her pirate ship to find his kidnapped sister, but she's not very sympathetic to the situation.

[YOUTUBE]ZlI3J0ndwAM[/YOUTUBE]
I hate anyone who doesn't love this game.



Yet Tetra continues to help Link throughout the first part of the game, asking for no reward, and her fellow pirates even notice that she seems to be more concerned with help people than with treasure. See, she's nice really. Then she finds out she's really Princess Zelda.

[YOUTUBE]uxElxRHyZYI[/YOUTUBE]
Confusingly, the person playing has called themself "Zelda". That's the worst possible name you could choose for Link.

She does end up getting captured by Ganondorf and saved by Link. But she helps you in the final battle by shooting Ganondorf with Light Arrows! That's good of her.

[YOUTUBE]SVfsB3OSi9A[/YOUTUBE]
This has to be the best final boss battle in a Zelda game. LOOK HOW PRETTY the graphics are. Also this so called "kiddie game" has Link stabbing Ganondorf through the brain with his sword.

Zelda ends up returning to her Tetra identity and sailing off to find a new land with Link. A new land on the Nintendo DS!

[YOUTUBE]mGZVih5F1-Q[/YOUTUBE]

So I can't express how strongly enough how good this game is how charming and alive all the characters feel, including Zelda herself. Play it!




UP NEXT: More games I haven't played, then Twilight Princess.
 
You can actually plug a Gamecube controller into your PC and play Gamecube games with it now, as long as you're morally OK with PIRACY.
 
I don't avail myself of the "Wii/Nintendo" section of the torrent sites, because I refuse to jailbreak my Wii.

But I did buy a Gamecube controller and memory card for it, so I can play Simpsons Road Rage and Crazy Taxi. I've also downloaded Majora's Mask and Ocarina of Time from the Wii Shop, as well as several N64 Mario games.
 
Well with the GC controller/mem card setup, you can pop GC disks right into the Wii slot.

It's funny to watch that little disk go into that huge slot.
 
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